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I Didn't Come to Town to Get a Haircut

I didn’t come to town to get a haircut
There ain’t a barber anymore
But there is a bar, and they do have beer
And that’s what I came to town for
I’d like to buy a round for everybody here
I didn’t come to town to get a haircut
I came to town to drink beer

I didn’t come to town in a pickup truck
I didn’t get here in a car
The train quit running eighty years ago
And the walk is awful far
I rode my bicycle, buddy
And I’m gonna ride it home
You can hop on the handlebars, man
It you ain’t got a ride of your own

I didn’t come to town until I’d mowed the lawn
And scrubbed the kitchen floor
And folded all the laundry
Put my drawers in their drawer
And I watered the sauerkraut
And the houseplants, too
Everything’s all squared away
Except for me and you

Here comes Chickinelli
He’s in the same boat as me
His family can never find him
Where he said he’s gonna be
We got a lot in common
It’s like looking in the mirror
Good to see ya
Never saw ya

I didn’t come to town, I never came to town
You can’t recall when you saw me last
What a pity, you heard I moved to the city
And was rooting for Nebraska
If anybody asks ya, you haven’t seen me in years
I didn’t come to town to get a haircut
And I never drink beer (or whiskey)